Makes no matter if I'm performing in a grocery store, you're always gonna get 150%.

I think men are afraid to say that they would love to have Michelle Obama in their bed, but they think it.

Stand-up comedy is a science. Every comedian is a psychology major, naturally.

You know how we built the pyramids? You gotta ask yourself a question always flip the script. What if up was down and down was up? What if you looked down into space standing up on Earth? This is how we built the pyramids.

It was frustrating because I didn't do anything, ... I was at the wrong place at the wrong time, and he decided to punish me. I couldn't do anything about it.

I think some teams shied away because of it, ... But Minnesota stuck with me and I was happy about that.

One plus one equals three. When a man and woman marry they become one never two.