Queen Victoria, one of our more frumpy Queen's. They're all frumpy aren't they? Because it's a bad idea when cousin's marry.

Religion and philosophy, philosophy and religion - they're two words which are both ... different. In spelling.

I like my coffee hot and strong. Like I like my women: hot and strong...with a spoon in them.

This is your captain speaking. Welcome aboard flight...one, from...here to there. We'll be cruising at a height of ten feet, going up to twelve and a half feet if we see anything big. And our copilot today is a flask of coffee.

Never put a sock in a toaster.

You're gay, you sell books... you probably shag the books.

I remember when I was being told about Watergate, and I thought, "Oh, America is not what I think America is." But America is what I think it is. It's just that it's two bits of it, and I don't go with the Republican bit of it. I go more with the Democratic bit.