Comedy is like a very cokey, druggy sugar. You get hits of comedy, and it's very, "More, give me more of that stuff," because serotonin is being released in the brain. So it's basically, everyone becomes serotonin junkies, and we are serotonin dealers. And that's what being a comedian is about.

But the Dutch speak four languages and smoke marijuana!

Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun).

If there were a god, don't you think he would have flicked Hitler's head off?

I've done a bit of Latin in my time...but I can control it.

Never put a sock in a toaster.

Charles Darwin wrote a famous book in 18 [gibberish]. And that book was an interesting book, cuz it was called "Monkey-Monkey-Monkey-Monkey-Monkey-Monkey-You".