Cause Jesus I do think did exist, and he was, I think, a guy who had interesting ideas in the Gandhi-type area, in the Nelson Mandela-type area, you know, relaxed and groovy; and the Romans thought, Relaxed and groovy?! No, no, no, no, no! So they murdered him. And kids eat chocolate eggs, because of the color of the chocolate, and the color of the... wood on the cross. Well, you tell me! It's got nothing to do with it, has it?

There's two positions in snowboarding. One is looking cool and the other is DEAD!

Well, comedy is a great weapon of attack. It's not a great weapon of support.

I like my coffee hot and strong. Like I like my women: hot and strong...with a spoon in them.

And the druids, they were into sex and death in an interesting night-time telly sort of way.

They’re not women’s clothes. They’re my clothes. I bought them.

In stand-up it really helps to play yourself and talk about your own feelings. You cannot fail to be original if you're just talking about what you think about X, Y and Z. Unless you've got a twin brother who's also a stand-up.