My stand-up is quite good now, people say. It's just like a big conversation each time. Every gig is a rehearsal.

Well, comedy is a great weapon of attack. It's not a great weapon of support.

I don't believe in God. I believe gods and devils are within us. It's our own battle. Our life's battle is to appeal to the gods within us, and to fight the devils within us.

They tend to come out a colour called 'Pants left in wash'

But the Dutch speak four languages and smoke marijuana!

I did bronze survival swimming. I could save people in a bronzey kind of way.

Your eyes flashed fire into my soul. I immediately read the words of Dostoyevsky and Karl Marx, and in the words of Albert Schweitzer, I FANCY YOU!