My stand-up is quite good now, people say. It's just like a big conversation each time. Every gig is a rehearsal.

If you've never seen an elephant ski, then you've never been on acid.

Well, if you don't have a flag, then you can't have a country. Those are the rules... that I just made up!

Your eyes flashed fire into my soul. I immediately read the words of Dostoyevsky and Karl Marx, and in the words of Albert Schweitzer, I FANCY YOU!

When you're coming out, you have to deal with the whole world saying 'Oh! You're an abominable snowman'.

Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun).

So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then President Clinton lied about a relationship, and everyone was surprised! A little naive, I feel!