When you're coming out, you have to deal with the whole world saying 'Oh! You're an abominable snowman'.

If there is a God, his plan is very similar to someone not having a plan.

They tend to come out a colour called 'Pants left in wash'

You have the American dream! The dream is to be born in a gutter and grow up, and then get all the money in the world and stick it in your ears and go THBBBBBT.

Most transvestites fancy girls.

Horseshoes are lucky. Horses have four bits of lucky nailed to their feet. They should be the luckiest animals in the world. They should rule the country. They should win all their horse races, at least. 'In the fifth race today, every single horse was first equal...one horse threw a shoe came in third...the duck was ninth...and five ran.'

Before birds get sucked into jet engines, do they ever think, Is that Rod Stewart in first class?