Never put a sock in a toaster.

If I were Achilles I would put my foot in a f**k off block of concrete!

They say that 'Guns don't kill people, people kill people.' Well I think the gun helps. If you just stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

Father, bless me for I have sinned, I did an original sin… I poked a badger with a spoon.

Most transvestites fancy girls.

People still talk about a British sense of humour, or French slapstick or how the Germans have no sense of humour - and it's just rubbish. I do strongly feel that we are all the bloody same.

I definitely have breast envy. When teenage girls were saying 'I wish I had breasts', I was thinking the same thing.