But the Dutch speak four languages and smoke marijuana!

I can go from blokey to girlie in 15 minutes and then I'm out the door. But that's the fastest I can do it. Becoming a woman takes work.

Cats have a scam going - you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that's the deal.

The bottom line of comedy is to be funny, and the bottom line of drama is to be truthful. You can be truthful and funny, but if you're not truthful in a drama than the audience leaves you.

I am two lesbians in a man's body.

There's not much makeup in the army, is there? No. They only have that nighttime look, and that's a bit slapdash, isn't it?

But puberty was... well, before puberty, at school, I didn't tell kids I was a transvestite 'cause I thought they might kill me with sticks, you know?