I've wiped the file? .... I've wiped all the files? .... I've wiped the INTERNET? I don't even have a modem!

The National Rifle Association says, 'Guns don't kill people. People do'. But I think the gun helps.

My sexuality is straight transvestite or male lesbian. It seems we are beyond the idea that I am gay and hiding it. If I had to describe how I feel in my head, I'd say I'm a complete boy plus half a girl. I don't seem to have the sixth sense that women have or their stronger senses of taste and smell. Gay men can also have it but straight men don't.

I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.

Most transvestites fancy girls.

I try to keep performing as much as possible - I just like to. I used to take huge gaps off between gigs, now I just like to do stand-up gigs as much as I can.

If you get anything creative going, then the work and play thing is the same thing, I feel.