So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then President Clinton lied about a relationship, and everyone was surprised! A little naive, I feel!

Racist people, interestingly, are never as polite as smokers. Have you noticed that? Smokers always go, "Do you mind if I smoke? Oh, you do? Okay, I'll go outside and have a cigarette."

Performance enhancing drugs are banned in the Olympics. OK, we can swing with that. But performance 'debilitating' drugs should not be banned. Smoke a joint and win the 100 metres, fair play for you. That's pretty good. Unless someone's dangling a Mars bar off in the distance.

I appreciate your applause, but I don't do it for applause. I do it for cash, it's much better.

I like my coffee hot and strong. Like I like my women: hot and strong...with a spoon in them.

America is the new Roman Empire. Remember what happened to Rome.

Poetry is very similar to music, only less notes and more words.