You can't land on the moon and say, "Ooh, it's all sticky! It's covered in jam!

My stand-up is quite good now, people say. It's just like a big conversation each time. Every gig is a rehearsal.

I'm quite good at taking in information so I voraciously inhale Wikipedia - which may have some things wrong in it, but I think is generally more information than we had before. Last tour we didn't have Wikipedia. And then Discovery Channel and History Channel. I can take it in and retain what I think are the most important facts.

I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.

America is the new Roman Empire. Remember what happened to Rome.

The National Rifle Association says, 'Guns don't kill people. People do'. But I think the gun helps.

Because that's what narcissism is all about; looking in the mirror everyday and thinking 'Damn, I'd like to shag myself.'