You can't land on the moon and say, "Ooh, it's all sticky! It's covered in jam!

I've done a bit of Latin in my time...but I can control it.

The National Rifle Association says, 'Guns don't kill people. People do'. But I think the gun helps.

The bottom line of comedy is to be funny, and the bottom line of drama is to be truthful. You can be truthful and funny, but if you're not truthful in a drama than the audience leaves you.

They say that 'Guns don't kill people, people kill people.' Well I think the gun helps. If you just stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

But puberty was... well, before puberty, at school, I didn't tell kids I was a transvestite 'cause I thought they might kill me with sticks, you know?

Scrabble was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia.