You say 'erbs, and we say Herbs because there's a f*****g H in it!

Scrabble was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia. This is true, they proved this one. The word dyslexia was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia.

You're gay, you sell books... you probably shag the books.

If you go down as a comedian's comedian, that's basically meaning other comedians are hopefully feeling that you're doing okay.

You piss me off you Salmon... You're too expensive in restaurants.

I'm quite good at taking in information so I voraciously inhale Wikipedia - which may have some things wrong in it, but I think is generally more information than we had before. Last tour we didn't have Wikipedia. And then Discovery Channel and History Channel. I can take it in and retain what I think are the most important facts.

I am encyclopaedic on World War II. My dad took me to D-Day beaches when I was a kid. I was there four years ago - every five years they have a remembrance on D-Day beaches and I would have liked to have been there and done my bit.