All the commercials on TV today are for antidepressants, for Prozac or Paxil. And they get you right away. "Are you sad? Do you get stressed, do you have anxiety?" "Yes, I have all those things! I'm alive!"

Now airlines charge for everything... If the oxygen mask drops, you have to swipe your credit card to start the flow of the oxygen.

The stand up, everything was accidental. I never grew up and was the class clown and had to get the attention. It was - it really is, I have a career despite myself.

The world is filled with negativity. I want people to watch me and think, “I feel good, and I’m going to make somebody else feel good today.

Did you ever feel like the whole world was going to a party and your invitation got lost in the mail?

I love furniture. And I thought, why are we not seeing who's making the cool new coffee table and these new designs that come out?

Penguins mate for life. Which doesn't really surprise me, because they all look exactly alike. It's not like they're gonna meet a better-looking penguin someday.