All the commercials on TV today are for antidepressants, for Prozac or Paxil. And they get you right away. "Are you sad? Do you get stressed, do you have anxiety?" "Yes, I have all those things! I'm alive!"

I would love for the world to be happier.

Normally, I try not to pay attention to my haters, but this time I'd like to talk about it, because my haters are my motivators.

I've learned 2 things about tv. It's always easier with vodka & SOME OF THE BEST SINGERS ARE FROM THE PHILIPPINES

I cannot believe they haven't yet come up with a better screening process than the mammogram. If a man had to put his special parts inside a clamp to test him for anything, I think they would come up with a new plan before the doctor finished saying, "Put that thing there so I can crush it.

Be open to learning new lessons, even if they contradict the lessons you learned yesterday.

I'm sure there's somebody out there who doesn't like Betty White because she's short and has white hair.