The first person I learned I could make happy with laughter was my mother, whom I idolize. It was a powerful thing to realize. I knew I had found my life's work.

I didn't go to college at all, any college, and I'm not saying you wasted your time or money, but look at me, I'm a huge celebrity.

You're never too old to play. You're only too old for low-rise jeans.

Answers to Frequently Asked Questions: Yes. Yes. No. One time in high school. Three times in my twenties. Rocks no salt. Yes. Four. Never. And how dare you! I will take no further questions.

Dan: 'Ah, well, I hope this didn't have anything to do with me.' Ellen: 'No, not unless you played Cat Woman in Batman.

Be open to learning new lessons, even if they contradict the lessons you learned yesterday.

I have a great career, and I have wonderful fans who really are supportive and loyal - because I'm not hiding anything from them.