Haiku sounds like I'm Saying hi to someone named Ku. Hi, Ku. Hello.

The definition of success changes. Success is to live your life with integrity and not give in to peer pressure to be something you're not. Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone else's path; unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path, then by all means, you should follow that.

Do we have to know who's gay and who's straight? Can't we just love everybody and judge them by the car they drive?

I watch people's behavior and notice things. I think that's why I became a comedian. I notice how stupid the things we do are.

You know that song that asks, "Why do fools fall in love?"? I think the obvious answer is because they're fools.

It makes a big difference in your life when you stay positive.

We're told to go on living our lives as usual, because to do otherwise is to let the terrorists win, and really, what would upset the Taliban more than a gay woman wearing a suit in front of a room full of Jews?