I personally like being unique. I like being my own person with my own style and my own opinions and my own toothbrush.

I had no intention of becoming a comedian. I just wanted to make people happy. I tried everything-I shucked oysters, I painted houses, I sold vacuum cleaners. But there was always a voice saying, You should be doing something different. And it was usually my boss and I was being fired.

When the message out there is so horrible that, to be gay, you can get killed for it... we need to change the message!!

Do you live each day as if it's your first or your last? Either way you should probably have a diaper on.

I don't need a baby growing inside me for nine months. If I'm going to feel nauseous and achy when I wake up, I want to achieve that state the old-fashioned way: getting good and drunk the night before.

One time I actually cleaned out my closet so good I ended up on the cover of Time magazine.

I would rather be the good aunt who never says anything bad and lets the parents discipline the child.