I cannot imagine not going home to animals. They are the closest thing to God. They don't harbour resentment.

What you look like on the outside is not what makes you cool at all. I mean, I had a mullet and wore parachute pants for a long, long time, and I'm doin' okay.

It's such an honor to receive the Mark Twain Prize. To get the same award that has been given to people like Bill Cosby, Tina Fey and Will Ferrell, it really makes me wonder… why didn't I get this sooner?

I would rather be the good aunt who never says anything bad and lets the parents discipline the child.

What did the letter O say to Q? Dude, your dikk is hanging out.

There are people who study germs. I believe they are called Germans

If we don’t want to define ourselves by things as superficial as our appearances, we’re stuck with the revolting alternative of being judged by our actions.