I was in yoga the other day. I was in full lotus position. My chakras were all aligned. My mind is cleared of all clatter and I'm looking out of my third eye and everything that I'm supposed to be doing. It's amazing what comes up, when you sit in that silence. "Mama keeps whites bright like the sunlight, Mama's got the magic of Clorox 2."

People give me such a hard time because I don't wear dresses. What's that got to do with anything?

In the 80's we had high, high, waisted pants, that if they came up any higher they'd have to go up another size, if you know what I mean.

If we lose our phones, we lose our phone books. You don't memorize numbers anymore.

My life is perfect even when it's not.

Dan: 'Ah, well, I hope this didn't have anything to do with me.' Ellen: 'No, not unless you played Cat Woman in Batman.

The song 'If I Had a Hammer' is geared toward people who don't have a hammer. Maybe before I had a hammer I thought I'd hammer in the morning and hammer in the evening. But once you get a hammer, you find you don't really hammer as much as you thought you would.