I counseled a 75-year-old married, bi-sexual man who was having a gay affair and was not having sex with his wife to continue his secret life because that seemed like the kindest thing to do. But a young woman embarking on married life, hoping to start a family with her husband, needs to at least know he's already living a double life.

It is a mystery why people think they need to act as their friends' dietitian, nonetheless it's common.

When you expand the definition of marriage beyond one man and one woman, society can expect other consenting adults in other configurations to say that their choices deserve recognition.

I try to direct people in distress to the right resources, where they can get comprehensive help. I've heard from many people that simply putting down in a letter what is going on in their lives is therapeutic in and of itself.

I'm not a big advocate of living together before marriage. It can be the right thing, but it can also leave two people stuck together who haven't figured out what they really want out of the relationship.

I do feel haunted by some of the letters and the suffering people have endured. But I keep in mind that the people who write to me know that I am a journalist and an on-line advice columnist, not a social service professional.

Anyone who marries gets no guarantee that their partner, no matter what they vow, will always keep that promise.