Polygamy has an ancient history and is legal in many parts of the world. I find the rules of polygamy to be damaging and it's potentially dangerous to young girls and terrible for "excess" boys. But polyamory is supposed to be a more equal arrangement among agreeing adults.

When you're dealing with an in-law violation, I think the first line of defense is for the blood relation to have a serious talk.

I do feel haunted by some of the letters and the suffering people have endured. But I keep in mind that the people who write to me know that I am a journalist and an on-line advice columnist, not a social service professional.

I think it's helpful for kids to know that their parents weren't perfect, that they messed up and learned from their mistakes. So be open about some of your own struggles or express gratitude that your kids are taking advantage of the opportunities they have instead of squandering many of them, the way you did.

The sadness from reading letters that you know you can't help because it's a person who's in extremis and their problems are not soluble by an advice column.

It's just not right to make an innocent child suffer because of the father's misdeeds.

When you have a life milestone happen, it's good to step back and reassess the things you thought you knew about yourself.