Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.

With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield.

When humor go's, there go's civilization.

I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.

Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies.