Every puppy should have a boy.

My son would walk to the refrigerator-freezer and fling both doors open and stand there until the hairs in his nose iced up. After surveying $200 worth of food in varying shapes and forms, he would declare loudly, 'There's nothing to eat!'

One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies.

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.

Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna.

Phone are wonderful instruments, but I wouldn't want our daughter to marry one.

Men who have a thirty-six-tele vised-football- games-a- week-habit should be declared legally dead and their estates probated.