Every puppy should have a boy.

You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home.

Myths that need clarification: "No matter how many times you see the Grand canyon, you are still emotionally moved to tears." False. It depends on how many children the out-of-towners brought with them who kicked the back of your seat from Phoenix to Flagstaff and got their gum caught in your hair.

Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.

Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.

A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. "What shall we name the other one?" I smiled. She was not amused.

I didn't fear old age. I was just becoming increasingly aware of the fact that the only people who said old age was beautiful were usually twenty-three years old.