Every puppy should have a boy.

After age twelve, birthdays should be as private as hernia surgery.

There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it.

Spend at least one Mother's Day with your respective mothers before you decide on marriage. If a man gives his mother a gift certificate for a flu shot, dump him.

the ultimate in longevity is the Christmas fruitcake. It is a cake made during the holidays with fruits that make it heavier than the stove it is cooked in.

I didn't fear old age. I was just becoming increasingly aware of the fact that the only people who said old age was beautiful were usually twenty-three years old.

I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself.