Every puppy should have a boy.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go on overload and blow up.

You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.

When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.

When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they're not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor, or the music that numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of capless shampoo dribbling down the shower drain. They're upset because they've gone from supervisor of a child's life to a spectator. It's like being the vice president of the United States.

Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.