I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.

Cats invented self-esteem; there is not an insecure bone in their body.

When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I will never understand children. I never pretended to. I meet mothers all the time who make resolutions to themselves. 'I'm going to ... go out of my way to show them I am interested in them and what they do. I am going to understand my children.' These women end up making rag rugs, using blunt scissors.

Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.

I have always felt cookbooks were fiction and the most beautiful words in the English language were 'room service.