I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.

If compliments were food, I'd have starved to death 28 years ago.

Poached eggs are good, poached animals are not.

One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies.

I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go on overload and blow up.

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.

Kids have little computer bodies with disks that store information. They remember who had to do the dishes the last time you had spaghetti, who lost the knob off the TV set six years ago, who got punished for teasing the dog when he wasn't teasing the dog and who had to wear girls boots the last time it snowed.