Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.

Phrases and their actual meanings: My teacher has never liked me. Expect a phone call before lunch from the teacher informing you that your child has been launching hot dogs by compressing them inside a small Thermos and then removing the lid quickly.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

. . . but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute - look at it and really see it - live it - and never give it back.

I've always been intrigued with the variety of answers this generation will give their children who ask, "Where did I come from, Mommy?" They will range from "Number 176 vial in Buffalo, New York," to "You were defrosted."

If I had my life to live over I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield.