Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.

House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.

I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.

My son did not show signs of a money deficiency until he opened his small fist in the nursery and found it was empty.

In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans.

Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.

After age twelve, birthdays should be as private as hernia surgery.