Hello there. I'm out social climbing, but if you leave your name and number and if you're anybody, I'll get back to you.

With girls, everything looks great on the surface. But beware of drawers that won't open. They contain a three-month supply of dirty underwear, unwashed hose, and rubber bands with blobs of hair in them.

Do I have to use my own money?

Not everyone is comfortable with the kissing ritual. My husband is one of them. Her refuses to press lips with anyone except his wife, mother, and dog. If someone wanted to give him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, he would refuse until he had been formally introduced.

Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide.

Laugh now, cry later.

You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.