I was a closet pacifier advocate. So were most of my friends. Unknown to our mothers, we owned thirty or forty of those little suckers that were placed strategically around the house so a cry could be silenced in less than thirty seconds. Even though bottles were boiled, rooms disinfected, and germs fought one on one, no one seemed to care where the pacifier had been.

The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, "Could I get you your check?" and we answered, "How about the menu first?"

Never have more children than you have car windows.

The bad times I can handle. It's the good times that drive me crazy. When is the other shoe going going to drop?

One son appears in stereo - a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other.

Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate.

Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises.