[On her father's death:] I didn't know his leaving would hurt so much.

I have always felt cookbooks were fiction and the most beautiful words in the English language were 'room service.

If anyone knew where they were, I'd send the ISDBB (Incredibly Stupid and Dumb Beyond Belief) award to the two guys who tried to break in to the Ohio penitentiary.

For the first two years of a child's life, we spend every waking hour tryibg to get the child to communicate. Then we spend the rest of our lives trying to figure out how we can reverse the process.

It's the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have...One pair that see through closed doors. Another in the back of her head...and, of course, the ones in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and reflect 'I understand and I love you' without so much as uttering a word.

My son did not show signs of a money deficiency until he opened his small fist in the nursery and found it was empty.

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.