Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, 'A house guest,' you're wrong because I have just described my kids.

A child develops individuality long before he develops taste.

In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans.

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.

One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies.

Myths that need clarification: "No matter how many times you see the Grand canyon, you are still emotionally moved to tears." False. It depends on how many children the out-of-towners brought with them who kicked the back of your seat from Phoenix to Flagstaff and got their gum caught in your hair.

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.