Adults are always telling young people, 'These are the best years of your life.' Are they? I don't know. Sometimes when adults say this to children I look into their faces. They look like someone on the top seat of the Ferris wheel who has had too much cotton candy and barbecue. They'd like to get off and be sick but everyone keeps telling them what a good time they're having.

Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.

Mother's words of wisdom: Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth!

Success is outliving your failures

I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.

Enter my first neighbor - a woman who spoke in complete, coherent sentences, who ate with a knife and fork and who only cried at weddings. I couldn't help myself. In a dramatic gesture, I bolted the door and threw my body across it to prevent her exit. She understood.