Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.

When humor go's, there go's civilization.

Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.

... it's simply wrong to always order [kids] to stop that fighting. There are times when one child is simply defending his rights and damned well should be fighting.

Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.

My idea of 'roughing it' is when you have to have an extension for your electric blanket.

It would have been a wonderful wedding - had it not been mine.