Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.

Children make your life important.

What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?

What does it profit a 78-year-old woman to sit around the pool in a bikini if she cannot feed herself?

I was a closet pacifier advocate. So were most of my friends. Unknown to our mothers, we owned thirty or forty of those little suckers that were placed strategically around the house so a cry could be silenced in less than thirty seconds. Even though bottles were boiled, rooms disinfected, and germs fought one on one, no one seemed to care where the pacifier had been.

It's frightening to wake up one morning and discover that while you were asleep you went out of style.