Wit goes for the jugular, not the jocular, and it's the opposite of football; instead of building character, it tears it down.

Real feminism is spinsterhood. It's time America admitted that old maids give all women a good name.

In social matters, pointless conventions are not merely the bee sting of etiquette, but the snake bite of moral order.

God may have loved the common people, but a trip to any shopping mall suggests that He made far too many of them.

I don't suffer fools, and I like to see fools suffer.

In other countries, congenital introverts simply remain introverts all their lives, neither advancing nor retreating, but America's commitment to extroversion as a national art form can abrade some naturally aloof personalities until they flower into deadly nightshade.

Spinsterhood is Nature's Own Feminism.