Wit goes for the jugular, not the jocular, and it's the opposite of football; instead of building character, it tears it down.

The more immoral we become in big ways, the more puritanical we become in little ways.

Any discussion of the problems of being funny in America will not make sense unless we substitute the word wit for humor. Humor inspires sympathetic good-natured laughter and is favored by the healing-power gang. Wit goes for the jugular, not the jocular, and it's the opposite of football; instead of building character, it tears it down.

The witty woman is a tragic figure in American life. Wit destroys eroticism and eroticism destroys wit, so women must choose between taking lovers and taking no prisoners.

If you ever meet someone who cannot understand why solitary confinement is considered punishment, you have met a misanthrope.

Learn to spot and avoid "writer groupies." The writer's self-sufficiency and our love for our work tend to attract insecure people who never can get enough love. They grow jealous of our work and come to regard it as a rival. These people can destroy you, so kick them out of your life or don't admit them in the first place.

Writers who have nothing to say always strain for metaphors to say it in.