Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.

When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough.

Children are rarely in the position to lend one a truly interesting sum of money. There are, however, exceptions, and such children are an excellent addition to any party.

People elect the President for reasons that have nothing to do with his ability to be president.

Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw. The second you meet someone that you're going to fall in love with you deliberately become a moron. You do this in order to fall in love, because it would be impossible to fall in love with any human being if you actually saw them for what they are.

Violet will be a good color for hair at just about the same time that brunette becomes a good color for flowers.

While it is undeniably true that people love a surprise, it is equally true that they are seldom pleased to suddenly and without warning happen upon a series of prunes in what they took to be a normal loin of pork.