Did it ever occur to anyone that if you put nice libraries in public schools you wouldn't have to put them in prisons?

White grapes are very attractive but when it comes to dessert people generally like cake with icing.

those who use the word 'lifestyle' are rarely in possession of either.

Television turned out to be exactly as bad as the most irritating and pedantic intellectuals of the '50s said it was going to be.

Never allow your child to call you by your first name. He hasn't known you long enough.

Science has done absolutely nothing about noise. The worst design flaw in the human body is that you can't close your ears. The reason you can't close your ears is, if a lion was coming, you had to wake up. Today no lions are coming. Beeping trucks are coming. I read the other day that the guy who invented the beep when trucks go backward, he died. I thought: Of course - he dies, I have to listen to it.

I have a hard time writing. Most writers have a hard time writing. I have a harder time than most because I'm lazier than most. I don't want to brag, but I'm the laziest person I have ever known.