When I saw a phone on a plane for the first time, I panicked ... I thought people were going to call me.

Twenty-four-hour room service generally refers to the length of time that it takes for the club sandwich to arrive. This is indeeddisheartening, particularly when you've ordered scrambled eggs.

Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one.

New York was always more expensive than the other places, even when it was going bankrupt. In other words, in 1971, New York was expensive for someone with no money. For anyone.

Now people need special costumes to ride bicycles. I mean, a helmet, what, are you an astronaut??

I drank my lifetime supply of alcohol and I took my lifetime supply of drugs between the ages of 15 and 19.

People (a group that in my opinion has always attracted an undue amount of attention) have often been likened to snowflakes. This analogy is meant to suggest that each is unique - no two alike. This is quite patently not the case. People, even at the current rate of inflation - in fact, people especially at the current rate of inflation - are quite simply a dime a dozen. And, I hasten to add, their only similarity to snowflakes resides in their invariably and lamentable tendency to turn, after a few warm days, to slush.