I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?

When someone asks, 'Why do you think he's not calling me?' there's always one answer - 'He's not interested.' There's not ever any other answer.

If your sexual fantasies were truly of interest to others, they would no longer be fantasies.

I drank my lifetime supply of alcohol and I took my lifetime supply of drugs between the ages of 15 and 19.

Until I was about 7, I thought books were just there, like trees. When I learned that people actually wrote them, I wanted to, too, because all children aspire to inhuman feats like flying. Most people grow up to realize they can't fly. Writers are people who don't grow up to realize they can't be God.

I don't care if New York avoided bankruptcy by substituting tourism for the garment business.

Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around with royal-blue chickens.