Life is so absurd now that it is almost impossible to be a satirist in this era.

If you want to get ahead in this world get a lawyer -- not a book.

Do not approach with anything even resembling assurance a restaurant that moves.

I believe in talking behind peoples' backs. That way, they hear it more than once.

I, unfortunately, take the subway a lot. It's not my preference, but it is my lot in life.

I have always preferred the company of older people. No one in the history of the world has had less interest in the young than I do. I am not interested in what young people are thinking. They're thinking less than old people, of course. I mean, what could they be thinking? And what are they doing? They're doing the same stupid things you did.

Everything in Japan is hidden. Real life has an unlisted phone number.