I am not personally a parent. But I do have two godchildren and am expecting a third. I am naturally concerned for their future. If I ruled the world you could bet your boots that none of them would ever set their eyes on any such contraptions as digital clocks and pocket calculators. But alas, I do not rule the world and that, I am afraid, is the story of my life - always a godmother, never a God.

People who get married because they're in love make a ridiculous mistake. It makes much more sense to marry your best friend. You like your best friend more than anyone you're ever going to be in love with. You dont choose your best friend because they have a cute nose.

If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract teach him to deduct.

Writers have problems writing sex scenes, because writing one really well is pornography.

Commercials and sometimes other guests - it's the down side of TV. Other people - it's the downside of life in general.

Marriage entitles women to the protection of a strong man who will steady the stepladder while they paint the kitchen ceiling.

The only appropriate response to the question, 'Can I be frank?' is, 'Yes, if I can be Barbara.