As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

The truth is that most families have no smart ones and no pretty ones. Most families are a bunch of unattractive dopes. And it turns out that the Bush family, like most families, has no smart ones. I was not surprised to see this.

I stopped taking drugs when I was 19, and who wants to drive a cab around New York with drugs in their car?

Writers have problems writing sex scenes, because writing one really well is pornography.

Anti-smoking sentiment has replaced middle-class morality entirely. The smoker has taken the place of the homosexual. Today you hear people say things about smokers that used to be said about homosexuals - they pollute the environment; you don't want them around your children.

Being offended is a natural consequence of leaving the house.

Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.