Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try.

My favorite animal is steak.

Tolerance is really a better thing than understanding. Because it doesn't agitate against human nature.

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.

Your grandparents did not endure the indignities of a steerage journey to Ellis Island so that you could stand outside a discothèque and beg a wallpaper designer to take you in with him.

Smoking is, if not my life, then at least my hobby. I love to smoke. Smoking is fun. Smoking is cool. Smoking is, as far as I am concerned, the entire point of being an adult. It makes growing up genuinely worthwhile. I am quite well aware of the hazards of smoking. Smoking is not a healthful pastime, it is true. Smoking is indeed no bracing dip in the ocean, no strenuous series of calisthenics, no two laps around the reservoir. On the other hand, smoking has to its advantage the fact that is a quiet pursuit. Smoking is, in effect a dignified sport.

How do you know if your child is a writer? Your obstetrician holds his stethoscope to your abdomen and only hears excuses.