Even when America is not working that well, it still works better than other places.

Smoking is, if not my life, then at least my hobby. I love to smoke. Smoking is fun. Smoking is cool. Smoking is, as far as I am concerned, the entire point of being an adult.

Commercials and sometimes other guests - it's the down side of TV. Other people - it's the downside of life in general.

Did it ever occur to anyone that if you put nice libraries in public schools you wouldn't have to put them in prisons?

What's so great thing about clothes is that they're artificial - you can lie, you can choose the way you look, which is not true of natural beauty. So if you're naturally beautiful, wear what you want, but that's 01% of people. Most people just aren't good looking enough to wear what they have on. They should change. They should get some slacks and a nice overcoat. Remember when the style was incredibly messy hair? That's great if you're a model. But if you're not a model, you would look better if you washed your hair, because you are not beautiful.

Luckily when you drive a cab there are two things: You don't have a boss in the cab with you, and you are not facing the people that you are making money from.

A dog who thinks he is a man's best friend is a dog who obviously has never met a tax lawyer.