Presently it appears that people are mainly concerned with being well rested. Those capable of uninterrupted sleep are much admired. Unconsciousness is in great demand. This is the day of the milligram. The rigors of learning how to do long division have been a traditional part of childhood, just like learning to smoke. In fact, as far as I am concerned, the two go hand in hand. Any child who cannot do long division by himself does not deserve to smoke.

Communists all seem to wear small caps, a look I consider better suited to tubes of toothpaste than to people.

They know you can't get people to stop smoking, so they develop a system of informants. That's the whole idea of second-hand smoke, you know. Make second-hand smoke dangerous and turn everybody against smokers. Then they say you can't even smoke in a bar - a bar! - because bartenders have a right to a smoke-free "workspace." Ah, bartenders, those health nuts.

Nothing succeeds like address.

No one's supposed to be the president. This is not England. And it's not just the Bush family, all families designate each child as having some particular trait.

Cheese that is required by law to append the word food to its title does not go well with red wine or fruit.

if you live in New York and you have a guest room, you have guests. So I think it's best not to have a guest room.