If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

The best fame is a writer's fame. It's enough to get a table at a good restaurant, but not enough to get you interrupted when you eat.

It is imperative when flying coach that you restrain any tendency toward the vividly imaginative. For although it may momentarily appear to be the case, it is not at all likely that the cabin is entirely inhabited by crying babies smoking inexpensive domestic cigars.

I had to go on TV with the president of the Catholic League, which is not an official organization at all, just a lot of Catholics, or maybe it's just this guy. He demanded to de-fund art completely and argued that taxpayers should not pay for it. I said people who represent the Catholic Church shouldn't talk about taxes.

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try.

You sit or stand in the subway, and you look around - I do, because I don't have a phone so I'm not playing a game - and you see people.