You should make it hard on yourself to write so you’re easier to read.

I've never had the experience of being edited and never will.

I hate academic mysteries. As soon as I come across the word 'don' and it's not someone's first name, I close the book.

for someone such as myself, who is kind of feckless and immature, it's better to have rich friends than to be rich yourself, because then you have wealth without the responsibility. You get to go to their houses, and you get acquainted with a level of furniture that you cannot provide for yourself. Furniture, I think is the most important attribute of rich people.

Large, naked, raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who live in hutches eagerly awaiting Easter.

...I believed passionately that Communists were a race of horned men who divided their time equally between the burning of Nancy Drew books and the devising of a plan of nuclear attack that would land the largest and most lethal bomb squarely upon the third-grade class of Thomas Jefferson School in Morristown, New Jersey.

I'm sure that being sober all these years accounts for my ill humor.