I don't know if you can tell, but I grew up watching a lot of television.

Kim Kardashian is single again. Hey, great. Maybe that will give the NBA players something to do during the lockout.

Guy on the plane I'm on has a text alert that sounds like a gunshot... And he isn't putting it on vibrate.

Hey, I work one full hour a day!

Remember: Super Bowl is the biggest day of the year for pizza delivery - so no matter what happens in the game, Peyton Manning wins.

I love President Bush. I think it's great we have a president who always looks like he's looking directly into the sun.

It's a simple and an effective way of getting everyone on the same page, prepared and paying attention to the gag. People just get into that frame of mind of you doing impressions. It can take a minute or two for an audience to catch on when you aren't doing one.