You know what I would do? I would remake The Wizard of Oz with Robin Williams, and that's it. Just let him do the whole dang thing by himself.

Jay Leno's the only guy on earth who could have a bobble head made of him that would bobble less than his actual head.

I love President Bush. I think it's great we have a president who always looks like he's looking directly into the sun.

Here's a guy that when he puts his contacts in, he can see better.

I was always working, so I would get reading done very late at night a lot of times.

It's a simple and an effective way of getting everyone on the same page, prepared and paying attention to the gag. People just get into that frame of mind of you doing impressions. It can take a minute or two for an audience to catch on when you aren't doing one.

Guy on the plane I'm on has a text alert that sounds like a gunshot... And he isn't putting it on vibrate.