Interviewer: 'So Frank, you have long hair. Does that make you a woman?' Frank Zappa: 'You have a wooden leg. Does that make you a table?

People are just waiting around to get certified.

Love of my life, I love you so. Love of my life, don't ever go.

There is no such thing as a dirty word. Nor is there a word so powerful, that it's going to send the listener to the lake of fire upon hearing it.

Our criminal institutions are full of creeps like you who do wrong things, and many of them were driven to these crimes by the horrible force called music.

People make a lot of fuss about my kids having such supposedly 'strange names', but the fact is that no matter what first names I might have given them, it is the last name that is going to get them in trouble.

Don't eat the yellow snow.