The problem with drugs is that most of the people that use the drugs, use it as a license to be an asshole.

Classical music is this music that was written by a bunch of dead people a long time ago.

Take the Kama Sutra. How many people died from the Kama Sutra as opposed to the Bible? Who wins?

Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe.

Donnie and Marie can both take a bite.

Nobody looks good with brown lipstick on.

[Lighting a cigarette] Well, I'm not here to impinge on anybody else's lifestyle. If I'm in a place where I know I'm going to harm somebody's health or somebody asks me to please not smoke, I just go outside and smoke. But I do resent the way the nonsmoking mentality has been imposed on the smoking minority. Because, first of all, in a democracy, minorities do have rights. And, second, the whole pitch about smoking has gone from being a health issue to a moral issue, and when they reduce something to a moral issue, it has no place in any kind of legislation, as far as I'm concerned.