The first thing you have to do if you want to raise nice kids, is you have to talk to them like they are people instead of talking to them like they're property.

My school spirit is at an all time low, I'm losing my status at the school.

As far as rearing children goes, the basic idea I try to keep in mind is that a child is a person. Just because they happen to be a little shorter than you doesn't mean they are dumber than you.

They tried to make me go to Catholic school, too. I lasted a very short time. When the penguin came after me with a ruler, I was out of there.

Nothing I've ever written has been motivated by trying to impact or influence anybody.

It's fairly obvious, since Richard Nixon, that there is no such thing as a fair deal for any voter in the United States -- You're just not gonna get it. It's a joke -- the people that you vote for, they're the next best thing to criminals. But of course they have money for advertising campaigns that make them look a little bit better than they actually are.

The only difference between a cult and a religion is the amount of real estate they own.