Middle age occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush up to the net.

Nothing is more responsible for the good old days than a bad memory.

Our notion of an optimist is a man who knowing that each year was worse than the preceding, thinks next year will be better. And a pessimist is a man who knows the next year can't be worse than the last one.

Nobody can write such ironic things unless he has a deep sense of injustice-injustice to those members of the race who are victims of the stupid, the pretentious and the hypocritical.

Every time we tell anybody to cheer up, things might be worse, we run away for fear we might be asked to specify how.

Money isn't everything, but lack of money isn't anything.

You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.